I made a vow to myself when I turned 27 that I would leave the days of tactical-vomitting and blacking out due to alcohol consumption very much in my past. I’m 27 now, the year of growth and self improvement and losing all memory of my night in a wine glass just feels irresponsible and frankly, a little embarrassing. I made it 2 weeks in to 2018 before I broke my personal vow and found myself running like Usain Bolt through my flat so I could throw up all of my bad decisions from the previous night (and morning).
Blacking out from heavy drinking is unfortunately not that foreign to me. I used to be prone to it in fact - even after 3 glasses of sickly sweet cheap Rose wine, I would become a booze soaked zombie for the next six hours but after years of avoiding this, I thought I was ‘out of the woods’ and had grown out of experiences like that. For the 3rd Saturday in a row, I have woken up miraculously safe in my own bed, in cosy pyjamas, with my make up fully removed, all of my belongings with me (but strewn all over my bedroom) and with zero recollection as to how I got there except a staggeringly expensive uber receipt in my email inbox. I’m very lucky to not have lost a debit card, house key or phone so far *touches every bit of wood in the world* which can only prove that although I am fully out of my body during these alcohol fuelled nights, I am still very much uptight and severely untrusting of others around my belongings - I probably still wear my bag and coat when peeing half in the loo and half all over the floor in bar toilets.
The next day is always a riot. What did I do? Who did I speak to? Why do I have so many missed calls from friends? Did I go walkabouts? Why didn’t I stop at MdDonalds on the way home?! Not only do I waste a good night out when I blackout, but I also ruin the next day and end up lying around like a trash monster until I have enough energy to leave my bed so I can forage for food (in my local Waitrose, I’m not complete garbage after all) or shower off all of the hot-sweat-regret from the night before. There's only so many times I can spend a Saturday in bed re-watching The Office (the UK one, obviously). Along with the post-drinking depression comes the tiny reminders of your behaviour a few hours ago…remembering asking someone for their number and getting unceremoniously denied in front of your friends…kissing someone you definitely shouldn’t be…shouting at a bouncer because they ‘looked at you funny’….grabbing a friends phone and throwing it on the ground…spilling your drink all over a stranger….never the good things though. I never have flashes of helping the homeless or making sure a friend gets home safe. No. I’m a selfish drunk who makes terrible choices.
With all that being said, this is a public acknowledgment of my awful behaviour in the hopes that shaming myself might force me to make better decisions in the future. Or at the very least, anyone who reads this will know what to expect when on a night out with me so I can say ‘what did THINK would happen? Oh and sorry again for smashing your phone, I’m so silly’.
In order to avoid blacking out in the future, I will adhere to the following rules:
- I will not drink more than one alcoholic beverage every 30 minutes.
- I will not do shots of any kind, EVEN if friends buy them for me and call me boring (I’ve never been good with peer pressure- ESPECIALLY when lovely boys do it)
- I will only order singles or small glasses of wine/prosecco (no more requesting my prosecco to be served in a giant merlot glass)
- If I do drink a little too much, as a punishment to myself, I will request an Uber Pool instead of an Uber X for my journey home. Nothing says ‘what is my life?’ like having to share a confined car ride home with strangers AS drunk and annoying as you.
- If I really fancy getting shit-faced on booze, I will simply wait until I get home and drink in privacy of my own flat. This way, I can be as embarrassing as I want but not shame myself in to oblivion the next day and have to send the ‘sorry I was such a mess…’ texts to friends.
- Never drink and swipe on online dating apps….but this is a rule for another time.
Stay safe out there, you little booze-hounds.